Toilet Paper, Hamsters, and Journals

Toilet paper, hamsters, and journals.  Interesting combination... Let's begin.

Life has been... unbalanced recently.  You know that feeling when you're just a little out of adjustment, need a tune-up, know something's off.  I've been able to keep it at a controllable level for a while, but it seems that the events from this week built up to what I like to call a productive breakdown. I was puttering down the highway when my life ran out of gas, and I was stranded on the side of the road.  No serious mechanical issues; just out of fuel.  

A silly little dilemma pushed me over the edge last night, and I felt like it was the end of the world.  I'm driving home with tears in my eyes, allowing this small bump in the road to lead me to think about what I'm doing with my life, my job, my calling at church, my family, the whole nine-yards.  

You know how people say that there are two types of reactions to a threatening situation (fight or flight)?  I'm a runner.  If I feel like I'm in a pinch, you'll turn around in a second and see me 100 yards down THAT way.  Granted, I'll add the caveat that I can put up a good fight in certain situations.  Don't undermine my spaghetti-noodle arms (kissing my tiny biceps).

I ran...well, drove home to lock the door, run upstairs, put PJs on and hide in my room.  I sat there on my bed for a long time.  Every pressing question you could ask yourself wizzed around my head, and I finally let go.  I released.  I cried.  I put the defenses down, laid my facades on the nightstand, and took a moment to be vulnerable (my least favorite state).  My mind went to Jesus Christ and all the burdens He carried for me and you.  I whispered "how do you do it?!"  More crying.  

As I was driving home, I felt the impression to pull out my old journals; more specifically the journal I started in fall 2011 that ended right before I graduated in July 2012.  That year was one of huge changes and painful but good growth: my first big breakup, family changes, graduating from college, living by faith, learning more about myself than any other year in my life.  I laughed, I cried, I had a lot of those "oh YEAH!" moments when I was reminded of funny experiences, memorable dreams, and "deep" philosophical conversations with friends.  

Reading my old journal helped immensely.  I was reminded of many insights that helped me in similar circumstances when I ran out of gas.  It helped me to know that relief does come, God is near, and I've been in worse places in my life than now.  

So the journal part of this blog title: check.  

  Here's one of my "deep" conversations I wrote about.

From my last post: How does a toilet paper roll with a hammy relate to a profound life lesson?

Let's keep this short, sweet and to the point.

You can keep trying the hard way by sticking your hand in the cage and catching the hamster, or you can let the hamster come to you... through a toilet paper roll.  

There are two ways to think about this: 

#1: Your relationship with God

#2: How you acquire what you desire

#1: God knows that sticking His hand in the cage and trying to catch us isn't going to go very far.  Instead, He knows that if we come to Him through our Savior in our own time, we'll learn more and and the process will be more successful than just catching us.  So don't waste too much time running around the cage.  Just get in the toilet paper roll.  Trust me; it isn't that bad.  Stuart can vouch for me!

#2: Getting things you want in life (job, marriage, happiness, kids, etc) can be hard.  If you feel like you're trying to catch Speedy Gonzales with your bare hands, try another route.  Ask for help (the guy in #1 knows how to get the hamster into the toilet paper roll) and don't give up.  

Toilet Paper and Hamsters... check.

Little Stu