Sitting still...

I have decided to use my blog for honest, sometimes not-so-positive entries in addition to the good ones. I've come to understand that although it is good to focus on the good things in life, it's important to recognize ALL emotions rather than throw hard things under the rug. Today wasn't the greatest day for anxiety. I caught myself in an irritable mood, thinking negatively, and even had a bout or two of palpitations (mini anxiety attacks in my book). It was hard to develop enough motivation to do anything, and when I did, it wasn't done in the happiest mood. It wasn't a TERRIEBLE day, but I'm going to be grateful when it's over. My pillow is looking pretty inviting right now! Over this semester, anxiety has been discovered to be the root of many of the issues in my life: my perspectives on dating/marriage, physical health, patience levels, emotions, etc. It's been a semester of big changes in my attitude and actions for the better. I accept, though, that there will be bad days along with the good ones. It's weird how anxiety will sometimes flare up for no apparent reason. It doesn't have to be a very stressful day (although that definitely does help bring out the ants in my pants) or a busy one for that matter. There are times wen anxiety overcomes me as I am relaxing in my room or quietly studying at the library. I could have no thoughts that wod provoke anxiety, and my heart starts racing. Granted, there are probably things in my subconscious that aren't helping very much. The bottom line is that today wasn't the best, but tomorrow will be better.

Who Moved My Cheese?

One of my favorite things about Christmas break is FREE TIME.  I always am surprised at how much time there is in a day when you have nothing important to do!  Instead of running from class to the library to work to home, I stayed at home for a majority of the day baking bread, cleaning the house, and pausing to enjoy meals rather than eat and run at the same time. 

In my glorious free time today, I searched the bookshelves in my dad's office for a good read.  Who Moved My Cheese caught my eye.

In a matter of an hour, I read a book that had been recommended to me years ago.  I'd been hesitant to read another "looong self-help book" and had never even looked at it to see that it was less than 100 pages.

It seems that when you read an inspirational book such as this one that you always get something different out of it every time you read it. This has happened to me in Tuesdays with Morrie (about a thousand times) and The Last Lecture (which I, without fail, bawl my eyes out every time I read it).

For my first round in Who Moved My Cheese, this question kept popping up:

What would I do if I weren't afraid?

What WOULD I do if I weren't afraid?  What would happen if I lived my life doing the things I've always been afraid to do?  The book describes how once Haw (a little person... you'll just have to read the book) starts doing things that he used to be afraid of (moving out of his comfort zone, exploring uncertain paths, etc), he began to feel invigorated and much happier. 

Simply changing your mindset makes changing habits and doing new things much easier.  And the sooner the better. 

To write about what?

I want to write, but what about?  How about.....

Surrendering to His plan


It's always been difficult for my stubborn little spirit to allow God to take charge of my life.  I don't like change, and I have a hard time seeing the big picture or trusting in someone who can see it.

However, I've gotten better.


Recently, I had planned out my entire winter and spring semesters for school (my LAST two semesters!).  When I had all my ducks in a row for winter, my world was turned upside down.

This was my plan:
- 16 credits of classes
- Working as a T.A. for a Greenhouse Ops class
- Disney Campus Rep
- Teaching academic advising seminars
- Attending training for Summer Jam (camp for inner city girls in Chicago)

I thought it was perfect, and as soon as I had everything in order, one of my professors pulled me into his office and invited me to be on BYU-Idaho's team for the PLANET competition in March.  WHAT?!  I'm not even a design/build student!  Well, it's a pretty awesome honor to be invited, and I immediately felt SO good about it.  What did that mean?  I had to change up my plan since training for the competition would take a lot of time.

New plan:
- 14ish credits (different classes)
- Still a T.A.
- Still Disney Campus Rep
- Turned down teaching academic advising seminars
- Turned down Summer Jam (that was hard)
- Lots and lots of memorizing hundreds of plants and studying Personnel Management for PLANET

I was talking to a friend about this, and he had a great way of looking at it.  Instead of thinking that our plan was a "good try" and Heavenly Father fixes it, he recommended thinking that since we took the initiative to make plans and move forward with them, God blesses us with a better plan.

I like that.

yoyo's at 1am

It seems every night this week there has been something that prevents me from getting to bed on time.  Last night was probably my favorite.

I found two yoyo's my mom had sent me in a package, and they LIGHT UP when you play with them!  So what did Kristin and I do at 1am?  We turned the lights off and yoyo'ed away.

It's moments like these when I am so grateful for the simplicities of life.